News Digest.....

Disclaimer: All the news in the following post is fake and is taken directly from kaltak. Anyone feeling that the news is alluding at him/her is free to introspect, the author however, is not responsible for any cerebral breakdown resulting from the futile attempts.

HR executive resigns:

In a bizarre and first of its kind incident, a HR executive of a software company has resigned on moral grounds. On 22nd of July 2008, Manavi Mahopadhyay, a senior HR executive has submitted her resignation to her boss, the reasons she cited was the unruly behaviour of the freshers she has recruited so far.

"It is so disheartening to see hundreds of mails complaining against these youngsters breaking the queues, hedging the spoons, romancing in the last seat of the bus, I just can't imagine,that these are the same kids on whom we spent lakhs and lakhs of rupees for training on inter-personal effectiveness" said a sobbing Manavi who later completely broke down.

Our sources, who refused to be named, said that the final nail in the coffin was hit when a senior employee, who was already frustrated for a lot of other things (which includes insufficient leg space in the school bus in which he commutes to office daily) was given a cold look by a guy for sitting beside his girlfriend, unfortunately that was the only available seat. The couple later proceeded to switch on to their basic instincts and romanced the rest of their journey to glory. The senior employee then wrote a lengthy mail to his HR with choicest of words, Manavi who is sensitive and sincere at work, chose to take the blame and resigned citing moral grounds. The senior employee refused to comment.

We have strong proof that the couple was given a pink slip, but were immediately selected by MTV for their upcoming reality show on dating.

India hot destination for Russian defence scientists:

Look out when you cross the roads in India next time, if you are lucky enough you might as well be asked to sign a contract for participating in Russian Defence Research. Russian Defence Research Organization has signed a pact with Indian government allowing them to study the brain patterns of Indian pedestrians and motorbike riders and to map the same in the anti missile technology in their latest combat jets and submarines.

"I have come to India last year on a holiday and was amazed to see the impeccable accuracy with which the Indian pedestrian cross the road without the help of a zebra crossing and I do not have the words to describe the Indian mo bike riders, they are too good for words" said Mr. Purikoshov Bhajishova. He also said that there is a high scope for break through in the said anti missile technology if we can carefully study and understand the brain patterns.

Management graduate proposes a new theory

Sharad Dikhaoo a management freak from a high profile college has proposed a new theory, he named it De-show casing theory.
"I used to find it very difficult to show case, essentially because there is nothing to show case in me, but I cannot sit quiet you know? This is a very competitive world and you need to be on your toes for you to survive and hence I came out with De-show casing theory, its simple, the statement is- if you cannot show case yourself, de-show case others, its nothing new, I am inspired from the childhood riddle of making a line shorter without erasing it- by drawing a line longer than that. I just used the converse and it worked" said a beaming Sharad who recently tested the theory on a *low life* and was able to successfully syphon off the *low life's* prospective girl friend by using the theory.

The HRD ministry who was pretty impressed with Sharad's work has promised to nominate his name for igNoble prize under show casing category, however under the caveat that the Prize committee agrees that de-showcasing can be considered as one form of show casing.

On the other hand, the low life on whom the theory was tested was so depressed for being deprived of a girl friend (his 109th attempt) that he complained to Ganeka Mandhi against the theory. Ganeka is currently agitating in front of the HRD's office for justice. Our sources said that the *low life* was present at the agitation and using all his charms to flirt with Ganeka and impress her. Our blog wishes him all the best.

News Digest.....

No more tail Lamps...

The confederation of automobile manufacturers (CAM) yesterday in Delhi disclosed that they are not going to use tail lamps and indicators any more for automobiles in India. CAM spokes person speaking exclusively to this blog, told that this idea of removing the tail lamps for the automobiles is around for a while, "Indians are smart, they get to know when the vehicle ahead of them stops and change their driving path accordingly, they hardly require the tail lamps and indicators." Saying that the cost benefit will be passed on to the customers, he said that the new range of vehicles without the tail lamps and indicators will be available from this December.

In totally unrelated news, Indian central government has asked all its state governments to remove all the signal posts in all the road junctions in India. The iron collected from all the posts will be used to build hospitals. There will be no more paint wasted on zebra crossings and road divider markers, they said that the amount saved will be used to compensate the fiscal deficit.

Our sources say that this was expected in these tough days of economic turmoil where we cannot waste money on things that are not put to use, there was an extensive cost benefit analyses carried out by PWC and cost benefit was found to be humongous.

A new reality show:
In this age where every day a new reality show comes out, a recent survey conducted showed that though reality shows excite people, their monotonous nature is boring people to death. So there is a need for a new reality show with fresh look and hence "Kaun banega reality show ki baap" was launched. "We saw a need to have a reality show on reality show, and we stepped in to fill the void" said CEO Mr. Chato.

The program features excerpts from various reality shows and judges will be calling cliched names for the show that is featured, apart from looking at each other and nodding occasionally at each snippet. There will also be opinions from audience on the shows and on the opinion of the judges as well, all the audience watching the show will be given eggs and tomatoes (subject to costs and availability).

"This is so exciting, throwing eggs at someone who shouted at my favorite performer in my favorite singing show is just awesome, I am loving it!" says an excited Pakao Sharma, nibbling at her burger and watching the all new reality show.

MNS strikes again:
The MNS activists yesterday did a lightning attack on PMC. They claim that Kothrud (which in Telugu means new road) may mislead many people to think that there are roads in Kothrud and also it is against the culture to have a name that sounds non-regional.

"Its good to see MNS so concerned about people's troubles, this will definitely help curbing the rising global crude prices and soaring inflation", beamed a Puneite who requested anonymity.