There was a sudden tickling feeling on my thigh. I instantly doubted the man sitting beside me; I hated him for ignoring the other empty seats in the bus and choosing the empty seat beside me. And the worst part is he did this when- you know what- just entered the bus. The feeling was like you were hogging upon nice yummy biryani and you enthusiastically chewed a four inch long chilly.
So when I was waiting like sulking child waiting for an opportunity to vent out this anger, my phone vibrated in my pocket. Though I wished the guy messed with me so that I could give it back to him amplified (please note that I am still straight), the feeling waned in a matter of a few seconds as my brain responded to the stimuli and recognized that my phone was ringing. I carefully reached for it; it was Muley- my room mate.
Of late we have been practicing a lot for the ‘World’s laziest bum’ contest. So as a part of the practice we have decided to work on our dinner plans and decided to pick a parcel on our way. I agreed half heartedly as this means a few extra steps with my newly bought designer Italian shoes (for all those who do not know how I look, the next time you observe a tall fair guy with shoes that are too long, too slim and too shiny, like the ones the hero in the fairy tales wear…… errr that SRK wears, you can safely conclude that its me).
So as I carefully ascended the steps of our take home biryani center, my concentration was instantly bought by the owner who seem to be extremely interested in my ID card. There is nothing more contending than some attention for an average SE engineer. So I moved the ID into and away from his line of vision and enjoying the way he hypnotically craned his neck like a pendulum (as I am writing this I am cursing myself for having not concentrating on my new shoes ). Things got more exciting when he did not move away from the ID, for first I was a bit worried about getting mugged, but that was a very stupid thought. I instantly praised my laziness for not being able to thought further.
As the next few seconds were spent in trying to control the adrenaline rush into the blood, the excitation peaked when the owner approached me and took hold of my ID. I widened my eyes; and even a child observing me would have concluded that I had a throat infection by looking at my upper throat; I opened my mouth so much. I gave up my oath to laziness and started thinking about the possible reasons for the owner’s interest in my ID card. My brain started calculating all the possibilities- Is the guy a big fan of Infosys? Is he going to offer us some exorbitant discounts? Or DOES HE READ MY BLOG? DID HE RECONGNIZE THE GREAT AKP? I stopped breathing at this instant. I needed to listen to his intentions to choke myself back to breathing.
He said “Hamare paas aisa bhi kuch hona chahiye”.
I flushed instantly; he apparently wants to issue this kind of ID cards to his staff too. My face turned pale, to control the bile I had to cancel the order we placed and rush off the center taking enough care not to damage my new Italian designer shoes.
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Veeru and Jai got a new job?
Looks like VRL travels has hired Veeru and Jai, take a closer look at the screen grab.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Lifts, Courtesy etc.
I do not use steps, keeping aside the health benefits of climbing up and down those plethora of steps, these benefits are as applicable to me as morals would be to most politicians, I prefer those little glass and metal enclosures which move up and down at a call of a button, we call them lifts, no?
Observing people in lifts is a great stress buster; it takes you into newer worlds with a greater insight into psychology, if it ever existed.
Yours truly considers himself to be pretty good at observation and has come up with a good classification of the lift users under which the above mentioned could be easily elaborated upon.
· The callers, classification on how people call the lifts.
· The people who board, classification on how people board the lift
· The people who alight,
The callers:
Among other boring types, the most interesting fall into two categories:
The go getters: These people are those who are not too comfortable with the idea of things not in their control. Let’s see the following conversation near a lift:
She: blah blah blah blah (continuously pressing the lift button).
He: (after a long hiatus) darling! Why are we pressing the call button so many times? my PM told me its enough if we press the button twice or thrice.
She: Oh! You dumbo! (Speaking as she presses the button continuously) you don’t know? The more the number of times you press the button the faster the lift comes down.
He: Ooooh! I never knew this.
She has got her ex-boyfriends in the lifts logic design team of OTIS, Mitsubishi and the likes and they apparently discuss, in their annual meeting they have with her, how they are thriving to increase the acceleration of the lifts with each increment in the call count.
The just do it types: These types believe that whatever they do is right.
She: blah blah blah (as she presses both up and down call button for the lift)
He: Hey! Why did you press both the buttons? Isn’t it enough to press just the down arrow button, as we are going down?
She: Are you nuts? The second button is given as back up, if the lift doesn’t come for the first button, then we have to press the second button; up and down my foot, huh!
That’s it; another name has been added to the world’s most enlightened souls’ list. This guy is lucky, isn’t he?
In the meanwhile they board the lift that is going in the opposite direction; her logic was simple- everything that goes has to come back.
The people who board:
The Hollywood type: This type is mostly inspired by Neo, the matrix man (Keanu Reaves) and believes that lifts are just another element of nature that would act according to their whimsy. When this type sees the lift at a considerable distance and when they decide to board it, all they do is just march towards the lift sternly and mechanically with a defiant palm lifted into the air.
This type would succeed unless there is a similar kind already in the lift, who on seeing the first person would press the “door close” button and smiling at the thought of the person crashing at the lift door.
The Indian fast bowler type: This type starts running towards the lift as and when they see it open, the distance just doesn’t matter, they just run with all the conviction of a determined soul, as the people waiting in the lift speculate about their chances of making it, they either run out of their steam and settle in the nearest sofa or change their mind and go towards the staircase.
The people who alight:
Before talking about this type, now that you have reached this far, I presume that you are either not too interested in life or you are too interested in what I write, in either way, I presume that you would not go away to read other intelligent posts on the forum as I quote Aristotle from his work on political philosophy
“If there be some one person whose virtue is so pre-eminent that the virtues of all the rest admit of no comparison with his, he or they can be no longer regarded as part of a state; for justice will not be done to the superior. Such a one may truly be deemed a God among men; and for men of pre-eminent virtue there is no law—they are themselves a law. Any (person) would be ridiculous who attempted to make laws for them.”
Aristotle in the above message is referring to super heroes, the icons who are above all the law and are considered demigods, a good examples for this is our security, there are at least a dozen such super heroes in our security, these do-gooders, with all due respect for keeping us in safe hands, just need a small reason to scowl at, you forget you tie, they scowl, you try to use the umbrella till the bus, they scowl after all they are super heroes and their managers have told them that smiling is a crime and courtesy is a sin.
I have met one such super hero in the last seat of the bus yesterday(this time it’s an employee); the super hero was engrossed in the music his i-pod is beaming out, with his unbuttoned shirt showing his jewelry and a few things that are beyond description for this point, he just couldn’t wait till his chance to alight the bus, he has a word for his rescue “excuse me” which he used with generosity as he made his way through the people whom he think are going to XYZ phase 3
I have later realized that this guy is the Dark-Knight of [please insert your company name here], who is in a hurry to encounter Joker who was troubling [your company's employees], asking them why they were serious.
“Excuse me” gentleman, are you reading this?
Back to the topic, it is interesting to observe the super hero category in the lifts, especially when the lift is packed, they do not have enough time to wait for their chance, their aim is simple, be the first one get out of the lift as the others are waiting to go into underground using lift.
Observing people in lifts is a great stress buster; it takes you into newer worlds with a greater insight into psychology, if it ever existed.
Yours truly considers himself to be pretty good at observation and has come up with a good classification of the lift users under which the above mentioned could be easily elaborated upon.
· The callers, classification on how people call the lifts.
· The people who board, classification on how people board the lift
· The people who alight,
The callers:
Among other boring types, the most interesting fall into two categories:
The go getters: These people are those who are not too comfortable with the idea of things not in their control. Let’s see the following conversation near a lift:
She: blah blah blah blah (continuously pressing the lift button).
He: (after a long hiatus) darling! Why are we pressing the call button so many times? my PM told me its enough if we press the button twice or thrice.
She: Oh! You dumbo! (Speaking as she presses the button continuously) you don’t know? The more the number of times you press the button the faster the lift comes down.
He: Ooooh! I never knew this.
She has got her ex-boyfriends in the lifts logic design team of OTIS, Mitsubishi and the likes and they apparently discuss, in their annual meeting they have with her, how they are thriving to increase the acceleration of the lifts with each increment in the call count.
The just do it types: These types believe that whatever they do is right.
She: blah blah blah (as she presses both up and down call button for the lift)
He: Hey! Why did you press both the buttons? Isn’t it enough to press just the down arrow button, as we are going down?
She: Are you nuts? The second button is given as back up, if the lift doesn’t come for the first button, then we have to press the second button; up and down my foot, huh!
That’s it; another name has been added to the world’s most enlightened souls’ list. This guy is lucky, isn’t he?
In the meanwhile they board the lift that is going in the opposite direction; her logic was simple- everything that goes has to come back.
The people who board:
The Hollywood type: This type is mostly inspired by Neo, the matrix man (Keanu Reaves) and believes that lifts are just another element of nature that would act according to their whimsy. When this type sees the lift at a considerable distance and when they decide to board it, all they do is just march towards the lift sternly and mechanically with a defiant palm lifted into the air.
This type would succeed unless there is a similar kind already in the lift, who on seeing the first person would press the “door close” button and smiling at the thought of the person crashing at the lift door.
The Indian fast bowler type: This type starts running towards the lift as and when they see it open, the distance just doesn’t matter, they just run with all the conviction of a determined soul, as the people waiting in the lift speculate about their chances of making it, they either run out of their steam and settle in the nearest sofa or change their mind and go towards the staircase.
The people who alight:
Before talking about this type, now that you have reached this far, I presume that you are either not too interested in life or you are too interested in what I write, in either way, I presume that you would not go away to read other intelligent posts on the forum as I quote Aristotle from his work on political philosophy
“If there be some one person whose virtue is so pre-eminent that the virtues of all the rest admit of no comparison with his, he or they can be no longer regarded as part of a state; for justice will not be done to the superior. Such a one may truly be deemed a God among men; and for men of pre-eminent virtue there is no law—they are themselves a law. Any (person) would be ridiculous who attempted to make laws for them.”
Aristotle in the above message is referring to super heroes, the icons who are above all the law and are considered demigods, a good examples for this is our security, there are at least a dozen such super heroes in our security, these do-gooders, with all due respect for keeping us in safe hands, just need a small reason to scowl at, you forget you tie, they scowl, you try to use the umbrella till the bus, they scowl after all they are super heroes and their managers have told them that smiling is a crime and courtesy is a sin.
I have met one such super hero in the last seat of the bus yesterday(this time it’s an employee); the super hero was engrossed in the music his i-pod is beaming out, with his unbuttoned shirt showing his jewelry and a few things that are beyond description for this point, he just couldn’t wait till his chance to alight the bus, he has a word for his rescue “excuse me” which he used with generosity as he made his way through the people whom he think are going to XYZ phase 3
I have later realized that this guy is the Dark-Knight of [please insert your company name here], who is in a hurry to encounter Joker who was troubling [your company's employees], asking them why they were serious.
“Excuse me” gentleman, are you reading this?
Back to the topic, it is interesting to observe the super hero category in the lifts, especially when the lift is packed, they do not have enough time to wait for their chance, their aim is simple, be the first one get out of the lift as the others are waiting to go into underground using lift.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
News Digest.....
Disclaimer: All the news in the following post is fake and is taken directly from kaltak. Anyone feeling that the news is alluding at him/her is free to introspect, the author however, is not responsible for any cerebral breakdown resulting from the futile attempts.
HR executive resigns:
In a bizarre and first of its kind incident, a HR executive of a software company has resigned on moral grounds. On 22nd of July 2008, Manavi Mahopadhyay, a senior HR executive has submitted her resignation to her boss, the reasons she cited was the unruly behaviour of the freshers she has recruited so far.
"It is so disheartening to see hundreds of mails complaining against these youngsters breaking the queues, hedging the spoons, romancing in the last seat of the bus, I just can't imagine,that these are the same kids on whom we spent lakhs and lakhs of rupees for training on inter-personal effectiveness" said a sobbing Manavi who later completely broke down.
Our sources, who refused to be named, said that the final nail in the coffin was hit when a senior employee, who was already frustrated for a lot of other things (which includes insufficient leg space in the school bus in which he commutes to office daily) was given a cold look by a guy for sitting beside his girlfriend, unfortunately that was the only available seat. The couple later proceeded to switch on to their basic instincts and romanced the rest of their journey to glory. The senior employee then wrote a lengthy mail to his HR with choicest of words, Manavi who is sensitive and sincere at work, chose to take the blame and resigned citing moral grounds. The senior employee refused to comment.
We have strong proof that the couple was given a pink slip, but were immediately selected by MTV for their upcoming reality show on dating.
India hot destination for Russian defence scientists:
Look out when you cross the roads in India next time, if you are lucky enough you might as well be asked to sign a contract for participating in Russian Defence Research. Russian Defence Research Organization has signed a pact with Indian government allowing them to study the brain patterns of Indian pedestrians and motorbike riders and to map the same in the anti missile technology in their latest combat jets and submarines.
"I have come to India last year on a holiday and was amazed to see the impeccable accuracy with which the Indian pedestrian cross the road without the help of a zebra crossing and I do not have the words to describe the Indian mo bike riders, they are too good for words" said Mr. Purikoshov Bhajishova. He also said that there is a high scope for break through in the said anti missile technology if we can carefully study and understand the brain patterns.
Management graduate proposes a new theory
Sharad Dikhaoo a management freak from a high profile college has proposed a new theory, he named it De-show casing theory.
"I used to find it very difficult to show case, essentially because there is nothing to show case in me, but I cannot sit quiet you know? This is a very competitive world and you need to be on your toes for you to survive and hence I came out with De-show casing theory, its simple, the statement is- if you cannot show case yourself, de-show case others, its nothing new, I am inspired from the childhood riddle of making a line shorter without erasing it- by drawing a line longer than that. I just used the converse and it worked" said a beaming Sharad who recently tested the theory on a *low life* and was able to successfully syphon off the *low life's* prospective girl friend by using the theory.
The HRD ministry who was pretty impressed with Sharad's work has promised to nominate his name for igNoble prize under show casing category, however under the caveat that the Prize committee agrees that de-showcasing can be considered as one form of show casing.
On the other hand, the low life on whom the theory was tested was so depressed for being deprived of a girl friend (his 109th attempt) that he complained to Ganeka Mandhi against the theory. Ganeka is currently agitating in front of the HRD's office for justice. Our sources said that the *low life* was present at the agitation and using all his charms to flirt with Ganeka and impress her. Our blog wishes him all the best.
HR executive resigns:
In a bizarre and first of its kind incident, a HR executive of a software company has resigned on moral grounds. On 22nd of July 2008, Manavi Mahopadhyay, a senior HR executive has submitted her resignation to her boss, the reasons she cited was the unruly behaviour of the freshers she has recruited so far.
"It is so disheartening to see hundreds of mails complaining against these youngsters breaking the queues, hedging the spoons, romancing in the last seat of the bus, I just can't imagine,that these are the same kids on whom we spent lakhs and lakhs of rupees for training on inter-personal effectiveness" said a sobbing Manavi who later completely broke down.
Our sources, who refused to be named, said that the final nail in the coffin was hit when a senior employee, who was already frustrated for a lot of other things (which includes insufficient leg space in the school bus in which he commutes to office daily) was given a cold look by a guy for sitting beside his girlfriend, unfortunately that was the only available seat. The couple later proceeded to switch on to their basic instincts and romanced the rest of their journey to glory. The senior employee then wrote a lengthy mail to his HR with choicest of words, Manavi who is sensitive and sincere at work, chose to take the blame and resigned citing moral grounds. The senior employee refused to comment.
We have strong proof that the couple was given a pink slip, but were immediately selected by MTV for their upcoming reality show on dating.
India hot destination for Russian defence scientists:
Look out when you cross the roads in India next time, if you are lucky enough you might as well be asked to sign a contract for participating in Russian Defence Research. Russian Defence Research Organization has signed a pact with Indian government allowing them to study the brain patterns of Indian pedestrians and motorbike riders and to map the same in the anti missile technology in their latest combat jets and submarines.
"I have come to India last year on a holiday and was amazed to see the impeccable accuracy with which the Indian pedestrian cross the road without the help of a zebra crossing and I do not have the words to describe the Indian mo bike riders, they are too good for words" said Mr. Purikoshov Bhajishova. He also said that there is a high scope for break through in the said anti missile technology if we can carefully study and understand the brain patterns.
Management graduate proposes a new theory
Sharad Dikhaoo a management freak from a high profile college has proposed a new theory, he named it De-show casing theory.
"I used to find it very difficult to show case, essentially because there is nothing to show case in me, but I cannot sit quiet you know? This is a very competitive world and you need to be on your toes for you to survive and hence I came out with De-show casing theory, its simple, the statement is- if you cannot show case yourself, de-show case others, its nothing new, I am inspired from the childhood riddle of making a line shorter without erasing it- by drawing a line longer than that. I just used the converse and it worked" said a beaming Sharad who recently tested the theory on a *low life* and was able to successfully syphon off the *low life's* prospective girl friend by using the theory.
The HRD ministry who was pretty impressed with Sharad's work has promised to nominate his name for igNoble prize under show casing category, however under the caveat that the Prize committee agrees that de-showcasing can be considered as one form of show casing.
On the other hand, the low life on whom the theory was tested was so depressed for being deprived of a girl friend (his 109th attempt) that he complained to Ganeka Mandhi against the theory. Ganeka is currently agitating in front of the HRD's office for justice. Our sources said that the *low life* was present at the agitation and using all his charms to flirt with Ganeka and impress her. Our blog wishes him all the best.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Organic Evolution.
Situation: A middle aged husband reacting to his wife's untimely death.
Long Long Ago: Oh my god...how could you do this to me. Darling, how could you maroon me like this and go? What about all the promises made that you will be with me no matter what! I feel soul less without you. You cannot leave me alone in this journey called life. sob...sob...sob.weep and deep sigh....I cannot handle this. I am incomplete without you.....
Long ago: Darling.... what have you done? ......sigh.....sob......sob.....weep.....who will cook for me now? Who will take care of our children? Who will clean the house? Oh my god... why did you do this to me?
Ago: sob......sigh...... Pick up the reciever, dial a no, Darling.....she is no more.....I think I have feelings for her. Poor thing. I need you in this moment of despair, lets meet up at our regular place........sigh.........hang up.
Now: uhhhhhhhh......sigh.....picks up a cellular phone...... dials a number....... darling, the female dog is dead,....lets party today evening. Yippieeeeeeeee........muaaaah....muaaaah. call ended....
Long Long Ago: Oh my god...how could you do this to me. Darling, how could you maroon me like this and go? What about all the promises made that you will be with me no matter what! I feel soul less without you. You cannot leave me alone in this journey called life. sob...sob...sob.weep and deep sigh....I cannot handle this. I am incomplete without you.....
Long ago: Darling.... what have you done? ......sigh.....sob......sob.....weep.....who will cook for me now? Who will take care of our children? Who will clean the house? Oh my god... why did you do this to me?
Ago: sob......sigh...... Pick up the reciever, dial a no, Darling.....she is no more.....I think I have feelings for her. Poor thing. I need you in this moment of despair, lets meet up at our regular place........sigh.........hang up.
Now: uhhhhhhhh......sigh.....picks up a cellular phone...... dials a number....... darling, the female dog is dead,....lets party today evening. Yippieeeeeeeee........muaaaah....muaaaah. call ended....
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Washing clothes?
Disclaimer: Yours truly makes his best attempt to wear washed clothes, though the chances of seeing him in pair of crumbled trousers and crushed anti wrinkle shirts is pretty high, you can in all possibilities safely assume that the clothes are washed.
If I were to be given a chance to decide among a promotion, a beautiful girlfriend and a genie that washes clothes, I would choose the genie. The very imagination of an alien looking creature with a tail on its back and a horn on its head washing my clothes is thrilling, exotic, romantic and what not?
Considering the fact that there are around three hundred thousand CAT aspirants, I would not make an attempt to introduce this article to you, because logic would say that this article is about a music Video on MTV (you might have guessed my CAT score by now).
Coming back to the topic, washing if it ever were to be called an art, I would have been light years away from being called as an artist and I would have ardently worshipped all the dhobis in this world. Washing is not an art nor am I interested in washing, but my tryst with washing or rather not doing it has seen new highs of late.
An average humanoid blind folded and sent into my 3 bhk flat has high probability of laying his hands on my used garments, considering the fact that I have sold out any thing that can be distantly called as a paper last week at the rate of Rs.6 per k/g, and believe me I am almost as rich as Ambani brothers after the old paper deal. But I promised you that I will be talking about washing clothes, so let me do.
Washing clothes is something which I love, I love it as much as I love to be bitten by a rabies dog, or kicked by an average donkey. However, I managed to avoid washing clothes for first 18 years of my life. Thanks to Suramma, our maid during most of my child hood and a BPL washing machine which deprived her of the most favorite job. Whatsoever the reason, I never thought or even bothered to think about the efforts to be put into undoing the dirtying of clothes the act which I guess I am pretty good at and I never would have bothered to think about washing clothes unless otherwise it is as easy as pressing Ctrl + Z.
But, the world wide web, IT industry and my company had other ideas for me. Though I have been deceived by a jumbo size launder mat, where some weird looking machines just keep washing clothes for eternity, making you feel that you need not even think about the word wash for next 100 years, reality dawned upon me when the honey moon period with my company, what they call training has been completed. Since then, there are many things that have changed like my location, my managers, etc but something that stayed with me always is the pile of dirty clothes on my chair, which of late my room mates are using as a cushion sofa, they claim that it is pretty comfortable.
At this, juncture of the article, all those Dravid bhakts who were hurt by my Tit for Tat post might think, ah you dumbo, why dont you employ a bai or why dont you buy a washing machine. They might also claim that I am wasting their time by writing articles here, the logic behind which my weak brain is yet to understand. But the good news is that, I have tried the above options.
Bai: Many a Bai, have been employed to wash clothes for exorbitant to extra exorbitant amounts, but only to quit the job before even joining as they got frustrated knocking at a door behind which only TV and chairs stay during the weekends, our land lord is strict, he says that no human being shall habitate the flat during weekends. And hence yours truly raids the friends' flats.
Dhobi: There was a time when everything I used to wear goes to a dhobi for rejuvenation, but after I saw the cleanliness of the water body associated with washing the cloths and after my misplaced 10 pairs took me around 2 months and hell lot of effort, like befriending whole dhobi community, to locate, I had given up on the concept of dhobi.
Washing Machine: Me buying a washing machine would be a bigger joke than Anil Kumble delivering a spin delivery. Considering the fact that I have recently been abused by my savings bank account (abuses have been with held for readability) for molesting it, even the very thought of buying a Washing Machine sends shivers through my spine.
I also have tried different other ways where I used to take all my clothes to my friend's washing machine, but after one such saga where my 50 odd pairs almost emptied the water tank of the building and my clothes decorated almost whole of his balcony, my friend started suspecting if I have started a side business and even enquired me if I was in urgent need of money and he still asks me how much do I charge for washing clothes.
Having said that, the fact remains that washing is a herculean task for me. I would work out and develop a Hrithik like physique, or would learn to code in Java or learn Mainframes or even try my hands at learning marathi, gujarathi or would even stay in a remote town in East Africa, but washing clothes?
Thursday, April 17, 2008
A summer morning...
The sun was on summer spree
When I went out to roam free
The day was hot as told on TV
Exhausted I went for shade of a tree.
The tree was big and the shade was good,
I looked here and there, I needed some food.
I found something to munch, and as I did
Screech was the sound; I turned and I saw a hood.
The hood belonged to a jeep
I guess it’s used to carry sheep.
Four men came out and gave me a peep
They tied me up and put me in the jeep.
After a bumpy ride the jeep came to a stop
I was near a tall building and I jumped out with a hop
I was not happy, I mowed and wanted to mop
I was pulled into a lift and taken to the top.
The house was new and I could smell some ghee,
I was pulled into it and then set free.
They fed me water and treated me like a queen bee.
Ah! Only then did I realize that they wanted me to pee!
I can never understand these beings, humans
They claim that they have lot of acumen
But ask a captive Cow it to pass urine
in a new house and call it a house warming ceremony.
When I went out to roam free
The day was hot as told on TV
Exhausted I went for shade of a tree.
The tree was big and the shade was good,
I looked here and there, I needed some food.
I found something to munch, and as I did
Screech was the sound; I turned and I saw a hood.
The hood belonged to a jeep
I guess it’s used to carry sheep.
Four men came out and gave me a peep
They tied me up and put me in the jeep.
After a bumpy ride the jeep came to a stop
I was near a tall building and I jumped out with a hop
I was not happy, I mowed and wanted to mop
I was pulled into a lift and taken to the top.
The house was new and I could smell some ghee,
I was pulled into it and then set free.
They fed me water and treated me like a queen bee.
Ah! Only then did I realize that they wanted me to pee!
I can never understand these beings, humans
They claim that they have lot of acumen
But ask a captive Cow it to pass urine
in a new house and call it a house warming ceremony.
Friday, April 11, 2008
The Orkut Photograph
Ekambaram is a worried guy. Every morning, he wakes up and heads to a mirror expecting to see something very pleasant, but for last 24 years he was always been for a rude shock. He sees his face. Believe me, my reader, Ekambaram is no hot property, with a slab like face to which hang two ears as if there are 2 question marks suspended and a nose which makes even the likes of camels and cows jealous and eyes which would, if were not to be on his face, have been confused for dead fish and a few wisps of reluctant hair sticking above the fore head. Barring near and dear, who got used to the frightful experience by the long habit of looking at it, his face could be lethal enough for a heart attack, if stumbled upon by nervous souls.
And even then, he optimistically troubled many a photographic lens to gaze at his face, all thanks to Orkut.
Something has to be done to this habit of publishing photographs on Orkut. People's strong sentiment is that a by watcher goes through your profile, gets spellbound by the photographs, and immediately rushes to your scrap book to leave a scrap asking you for a date.
Unfortunately, it works the other way round for many people. Once some one reads the profile, gets excited by it for all the great things written about your features, turn ons and turn offs and heads to see the photograph and see a rat like face wearing spectacles, their faith will be shaken, they conclude that this man would be no good for anything except for knowing where to go for a vegetarian lunch. And another prospective date is lost. All because of a photograph. And if you do not have a photograph of yours, there is no prospect as such.
But, of late, it seems like people have come up with a solution for this- utilization of the high art methods of photography. There are no more photographs, just the camera portraits or lens impressions. It’s interesting to know how these methods would change your prospects. I realized this when I happened to visit Ekambaram's profile recently. He changed his photograph, in the previous one he stares at us as if he is confused by the camera and in the back ground there are a few white clouds against blue skies with two crows flying across. The present one is completely different. It is a portrait; he called it "one-twentieth face". It is taken from behind, showing only the back of head, the left ear and what might be a pimple or a flaw in the print. It looked as if he was surprised by the camera when he was coding at the office. There is no question of which of the two pics looked better. Only then did I realize that almost all of us are same when it comes to looks, the less we see each other, the better it would be and no wonder Orkut is banned in most offices.
And even then, he optimistically troubled many a photographic lens to gaze at his face, all thanks to Orkut.
Something has to be done to this habit of publishing photographs on Orkut. People's strong sentiment is that a by watcher goes through your profile, gets spellbound by the photographs, and immediately rushes to your scrap book to leave a scrap asking you for a date.
Unfortunately, it works the other way round for many people. Once some one reads the profile, gets excited by it for all the great things written about your features, turn ons and turn offs and heads to see the photograph and see a rat like face wearing spectacles, their faith will be shaken, they conclude that this man would be no good for anything except for knowing where to go for a vegetarian lunch. And another prospective date is lost. All because of a photograph. And if you do not have a photograph of yours, there is no prospect as such.
But, of late, it seems like people have come up with a solution for this- utilization of the high art methods of photography. There are no more photographs, just the camera portraits or lens impressions. It’s interesting to know how these methods would change your prospects. I realized this when I happened to visit Ekambaram's profile recently. He changed his photograph, in the previous one he stares at us as if he is confused by the camera and in the back ground there are a few white clouds against blue skies with two crows flying across. The present one is completely different. It is a portrait; he called it "one-twentieth face". It is taken from behind, showing only the back of head, the left ear and what might be a pimple or a flaw in the print. It looked as if he was surprised by the camera when he was coding at the office. There is no question of which of the two pics looked better. Only then did I realize that almost all of us are same when it comes to looks, the less we see each other, the better it would be and no wonder Orkut is banned in most offices.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Should I get married?
Its raining marriages, of late I am hearing about marriages of people whom I know better, I mean my friends at school, college and even colleagues. So getting married has become the in thing or did it? Whatsoever, too many marriages around me have confused me and before going any further, let me again bore you with my trade mark flash back!!!
Back in my intermediate (also known as PUC or +1/+2 in other parts of world) I used to wonder what a crazy affair marriage was (which I still do) and why people opt to get married. I was particularly amazed by a distant relative of mine, who happened to come back from US for a short break and created ripples by declaring an ultimatum with his parents that he shall be married immediately under any circumstances and the poor parents did manage to find a girl and get him married in the short span of one month.
What I could not comprehend from his urge to marry was the necessity. Why on earth a person who is in US who can live a luxurious life, is opting to ruining it by getting married? It took 9 years for me to realise the answer. That's because on the 10th day of fifth month of this year, yours truly would turn 25 and this I guess is having sobering effect on me. Almost all the children now call me "uncle" and I have now become less arrogant and more compassionate and as my friend wrote in his blog, Twenty of me and you have the Mughal Empire. Forty of me and you have the Christian Dark Ages - full with plagues and little ice ages and everything. Sixty of me, you have Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) fighting his wars. Eighty of me, and you have Jesus Christ - allegedly perishing for the sins of one and all. Hundred of me and you have the glorious kingdoms of ancient India and China. You have Buddha sitting under a tree in what is now Laloo-land. You have Asterix and Obelix plundering the Romans. You have Aristotle and Plato committing blunders. You have Pythagoras talking about hypotenuses. Two Hundred of me and you have the Egyptians and Chinese starting out and the Indians (some contend) on song.
Whatsoever, 25 years of life tamed me from an arrogant and aggressive young lad to thoughtful(?) and rational uncle! And how did this happen? And why am I thinking of marriage now? Why did the sense of ridicule and mockery towards that distant relative of mine has now changed to empathy and compassion? The answers to this question lies in my journey from a PUC student to an employee in an IT firm, from a protected child living with parents to a self sufficient adult living alone.
When I was 15, girls did not make sense to me(strange but true). Almost every female who tried to talk to me has been mocked upon. And I did enjoy the repulsive status I had then, but as time passed by I realised that all the cool guys are hanging out with girls and the guys in my group are envying them, only then did the flirt in me was born.
Girls enjoyed exclusivity, and when I tried to charm a particular girl in the group while mocking others, it is a great sense of accomplishment for her and more often than not I enjoyed success. But the basic bitter gaurd in me never died and my sense of humour and arrogance never went down well with the girls and after a few affairs, I evolved into regression and ended where I started. And the result, though my sexual orientation is straight, I am well off with guys and mostly my companions in the quintessential tasks of a SE(software engineer) like raiding the malls or pubs or multiplexes have been my room mates(males) or my colleagues (males again).
Now there is a sub prime crisis of sorts in my life, almost all the friends of mine whom I used to hang out with are married/engaged now and hence are not available during weekends with pretty quirky reasons (males are pretty bad at lying) to avoid our impeccable weekend schedule of raiding malls and pubs. More and more weekends are passed with in the four walls of my boring room. My age does not allow me to go behind a girl or at least it did not so happen that I found such girl that I can circumvent my own rules. So, in one of those inactivity filled weekends, I was generous enough to think about the distant relative of mine, and became even more generous and changed my feelings towards him, from scorn and ridicule to empathy and compassion.
However, things are not yet ripe for me to give an ultimatum to my parents to get me married. Though marriage comes with a few advantages like assured company to hear your brain rotting jokes and a fresh perspective to the weekends, I am not too sure with the risks involved. So, considering the fact that I had given upon the concept called girl friend, should I be getting married?
Back in my intermediate (also known as PUC or +1/+2 in other parts of world) I used to wonder what a crazy affair marriage was (which I still do) and why people opt to get married. I was particularly amazed by a distant relative of mine, who happened to come back from US for a short break and created ripples by declaring an ultimatum with his parents that he shall be married immediately under any circumstances and the poor parents did manage to find a girl and get him married in the short span of one month.
What I could not comprehend from his urge to marry was the necessity. Why on earth a person who is in US who can live a luxurious life, is opting to ruining it by getting married? It took 9 years for me to realise the answer. That's because on the 10th day of fifth month of this year, yours truly would turn 25 and this I guess is having sobering effect on me. Almost all the children now call me "uncle" and I have now become less arrogant and more compassionate and as my friend wrote in his blog, Twenty of me and you have the Mughal Empire. Forty of me and you have the Christian Dark Ages - full with plagues and little ice ages and everything. Sixty of me, you have Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) fighting his wars. Eighty of me, and you have Jesus Christ - allegedly perishing for the sins of one and all. Hundred of me and you have the glorious kingdoms of ancient India and China. You have Buddha sitting under a tree in what is now Laloo-land. You have Asterix and Obelix plundering the Romans. You have Aristotle and Plato committing blunders. You have Pythagoras talking about hypotenuses. Two Hundred of me and you have the Egyptians and Chinese starting out and the Indians (some contend) on song.
Whatsoever, 25 years of life tamed me from an arrogant and aggressive young lad to thoughtful(?) and rational uncle! And how did this happen? And why am I thinking of marriage now? Why did the sense of ridicule and mockery towards that distant relative of mine has now changed to empathy and compassion? The answers to this question lies in my journey from a PUC student to an employee in an IT firm, from a protected child living with parents to a self sufficient adult living alone.
When I was 15, girls did not make sense to me(strange but true). Almost every female who tried to talk to me has been mocked upon. And I did enjoy the repulsive status I had then, but as time passed by I realised that all the cool guys are hanging out with girls and the guys in my group are envying them, only then did the flirt in me was born.
Girls enjoyed exclusivity, and when I tried to charm a particular girl in the group while mocking others, it is a great sense of accomplishment for her and more often than not I enjoyed success. But the basic bitter gaurd in me never died and my sense of humour and arrogance never went down well with the girls and after a few affairs, I evolved into regression and ended where I started. And the result, though my sexual orientation is straight, I am well off with guys and mostly my companions in the quintessential tasks of a SE(software engineer) like raiding the malls or pubs or multiplexes have been my room mates(males) or my colleagues (males again).
Now there is a sub prime crisis of sorts in my life, almost all the friends of mine whom I used to hang out with are married/engaged now and hence are not available during weekends with pretty quirky reasons (males are pretty bad at lying) to avoid our impeccable weekend schedule of raiding malls and pubs. More and more weekends are passed with in the four walls of my boring room. My age does not allow me to go behind a girl or at least it did not so happen that I found such girl that I can circumvent my own rules. So, in one of those inactivity filled weekends, I was generous enough to think about the distant relative of mine, and became even more generous and changed my feelings towards him, from scorn and ridicule to empathy and compassion.
However, things are not yet ripe for me to give an ultimatum to my parents to get me married. Though marriage comes with a few advantages like assured company to hear your brain rotting jokes and a fresh perspective to the weekends, I am not too sure with the risks involved. So, considering the fact that I had given upon the concept called girl friend, should I be getting married?
Thursday, March 6, 2008
The sleeping beauty.........
With skies so dark, with many a cloud,
and birds singing happily aloud;
the morning was perfectly romantic,
with each wave of breeze inspiring your soul
the artist in you would create a classic
and flowers looking at you with smiles so cool
even the most depressed soul says, wow! fantastic.
He chose to be in the park in this weather
he called her too, of course he needs a partner.
He waited on the bench in a corner,
as she grew prettier
with make-up, after each passing hour.
Finally, she arrived, the ducky
he looked at her and said, Ah! I am so lucky
her eyes made diamonds jealous with their sparkle
and her hair reminded the darkness of jungle
with each step teaching lessons to grace
she headed towards him for a tight embrace
he took her in his arms, and looked in her eyes
and when he did that, he knew he found his solace.
With weather so great and mood so sweet
they went around the park for a tête-à-tête
When they are done with the walk
and when there was nothing to talk
she was tired, she laid her head on his shoulder
I wanna sleep, will you sing me a lullaby? she wondered
He knew what to do, he sat down on the floor
and wanted to make her sleep until she snore.
He started to sing, with his voice so sweet
it was heaven for her and she felt so great.
As she was sleeping, he requested the clouds not to thunder
but just to pass away and make her wonder.
He asked the cuckoo to sing along with him
as he wanted to fulfil his darling's whim
He was then happy to find her asleep in his lap
only to find the angry eyes of a cop
The cop threw the lathi and blew the whistle
and they both started running to avoid the tussle.
and birds singing happily aloud;
the morning was perfectly romantic,
with each wave of breeze inspiring your soul
the artist in you would create a classic
and flowers looking at you with smiles so cool
even the most depressed soul says, wow! fantastic.
He chose to be in the park in this weather
he called her too, of course he needs a partner.
He waited on the bench in a corner,
as she grew prettier
with make-up, after each passing hour.
Finally, she arrived, the ducky
he looked at her and said, Ah! I am so lucky
her eyes made diamonds jealous with their sparkle
and her hair reminded the darkness of jungle
with each step teaching lessons to grace
she headed towards him for a tight embrace
he took her in his arms, and looked in her eyes
and when he did that, he knew he found his solace.
With weather so great and mood so sweet
they went around the park for a tête-à-tête
When they are done with the walk
and when there was nothing to talk
she was tired, she laid her head on his shoulder
I wanna sleep, will you sing me a lullaby? she wondered
He knew what to do, he sat down on the floor
and wanted to make her sleep until she snore.
He started to sing, with his voice so sweet
it was heaven for her and she felt so great.
As she was sleeping, he requested the clouds not to thunder
but just to pass away and make her wonder.
He asked the cuckoo to sing along with him
as he wanted to fulfil his darling's whim
He was then happy to find her asleep in his lap
only to find the angry eyes of a cop
The cop threw the lathi and blew the whistle
and they both started running to avoid the tussle.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Weird........
There was a loud scream, a scream from a female, as I opened the door. With in no time, there were more furious screams, I was shocked and was unable to comprehend why there was a sudden uproar in an otherwise calm floor. It hardly took any time for me to realize that the screams were more of a reaction to my entrance to the room; me, a man of good response to stimuli, started running. It would have been a real bad idea to get into a fight with a group of furious women; I would rather shoot myself than doing that.
It has been a long time since I ran, it was a strange feeling when you have an oscillating kind of feeling in your intestines, though I did not enjoy it, I kept running. I took a u-turn when I realized I have reached a dead end and the whole female group took a u-turn and it all looked as if I were a comet with the tail being a group of females. I always hoped that I were the man in that axe ad, where a plethora of women chasing me; but I never realized my dream would come true in this furious way, as I retraced the path, I just happened to realize that I fancied my way into a women's restroom.
I looked back and started running faster as I saw a generous female who did not mind sacrficing her heels to attack a moron that I was. The likes of Ishant Sharma hve been put to shame when lady threw her sandal at speeds clocking 160 kmph(how did I measure the speed??), Keanu Reaves gotten into me and I bent back at 90 degrees, at the edge of the floor, to sniff the aroma of the lady's heel, as I did it, my feet went off in air and I started feeling weightless-ness and as I looked down after a few feel good somersaults, there was good four floors of air beneath me. I started falling.
Thud, I landed. It was dark, I checked myself, I was OK. My eyes got accustomed to the darkness, no it was not a hospital, it was rather very familiar. It’s my room and I just fell off my cot. I returned to bed cursing myself for thinking about how a ladies' restroom looks, and with this experience I slipped into my blanket thinking about Katrina Kaif.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Thinking on your feet......
Why do I write blogs? Rather, why do I write and publish them here? This thought provocation was more due to two gooselings, my colleagues, who rather bravely put forth this question. Well, I am to blame for this. Of late, any public/private/general/personal talk with me ends up with a reference to my blogs. My success with boring people to eternity is so great that, people, whenever they are confronted with a trivial frustration, wouldn’t even think once to suggest me- "pappu, blog likhle", there were even more generous people wishing me luck for CAT panel selecting my essays for their RCs. Though there were an occasional anonymi who seem to have serious conflicts with world, as they keep commenting on my blogs, thus encouraging me to write more mind boggling posts, with each post itching readers cerebrum to the most irritable extent .Having said that, I do not hesitate to attribute the loss of my bike's front right indicator, the scratches on my bike's tank and my inflated mobile bill to my irated readers who succumbed to my advertisements of asking people to read my blogs.
But this shall not deter me, because at age of 11, I promised a pair of raging bulls, who seem to have found a soft target in me, that I will endorse their shit if they spare me, they did. And here I am, the man of words, endorsing bullshit. Do you need a better reason to blog?
But, people, bull-shitting is not that bad at all. When you go incomprehensible describing your feelings, when your manager seems to be asking for too much, when your girl friend is getting too smart with you, when there are lots of smart asses around you trying to out smart you the only weapon you have is bull shitting. Bull shitting is not an art; it is an instinct, a response to the stimuli called incomprehension. It is like a PMT bus when there are no auto rickshaws; when you have to invent something to meet your necessities, when sense becomes your enemy, when resources are sparse; bull shitting becomes your good old buddy on whose shoulder you can rest your head upon.
Once you understand what bull shitting is, you can easily talk about any thing and everything on the face of the earth ranging from, how meditation helps you improving your sex life to how American politicians influenced Raj Thackeray to make those inciting comments. Basically, bull-shitting is nothing but thinking on your feet, when your brain refuses to work. Though very few people have the inborn talent to bull-shit naturally, it, like many other arts, can be imbibed with a little practice.
I think you got my answer, I would have told, I like to write that is why I wrote, but....you know what I am good at.
P.S: I will offer, at free of cost, classes on bull-shitting. Mail me with your details. Remember I am looking.
But this shall not deter me, because at age of 11, I promised a pair of raging bulls, who seem to have found a soft target in me, that I will endorse their shit if they spare me, they did. And here I am, the man of words, endorsing bullshit. Do you need a better reason to blog?
But, people, bull-shitting is not that bad at all. When you go incomprehensible describing your feelings, when your manager seems to be asking for too much, when your girl friend is getting too smart with you, when there are lots of smart asses around you trying to out smart you the only weapon you have is bull shitting. Bull shitting is not an art; it is an instinct, a response to the stimuli called incomprehension. It is like a PMT bus when there are no auto rickshaws; when you have to invent something to meet your necessities, when sense becomes your enemy, when resources are sparse; bull shitting becomes your good old buddy on whose shoulder you can rest your head upon.
Once you understand what bull shitting is, you can easily talk about any thing and everything on the face of the earth ranging from, how meditation helps you improving your sex life to how American politicians influenced Raj Thackeray to make those inciting comments. Basically, bull-shitting is nothing but thinking on your feet, when your brain refuses to work. Though very few people have the inborn talent to bull-shit naturally, it, like many other arts, can be imbibed with a little practice.
I think you got my answer, I would have told, I like to write that is why I wrote, but....you know what I am good at.
P.S: I will offer, at free of cost, classes on bull-shitting. Mail me with your details. Remember I am looking.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Where have all the donkeys gone?
Long- long ago, there used to be an intelligent donkey species, called i-donkeys. These i-donkeys are special; they are a rare combination of intelligence and hard work. They used to slog their life off for any work assigned to them. They used to work for a pittance, a small perk used to excite them to death and a tempted onsite opportunity would make them work 48 hours a day. This species continued to exist happily until Murphy happened to see these creatures through his naughty binoculars. And the inevitable happened, slowly- fastly, rather, fastly- fastly, this race has started to get extinct, when I say fastly, I mean it got extinct faster than the most endangered species in the world. But how? The answer is the story of Daddu, an intelligent donkey.
Daddu was an intelligent donkey, thanks to his mother; she made sure that she has taken a Mentos a day during Daddu's gestation period and thanks to his mother again, she fed Daddu with a Mentos a day until he grew up to be an intelligent youth. And hence, Daddu has become a rare combination of intelligence and hard work and evolved as an i-donkey. He was very happy to see the article "an" instead of "a" before his race's name; and was even happier to get a job. A job where he can prove his intellectual capabilities and a job where he could show case his hard working capabilities.
Daddu started off; he liked his company, it gave him lots of facilities, which inspired him to work even harder, say 48 hours a day. He was introduced to a lot of alien things during his work, there are people who talk about etiquettes, how to eat, how not to harass the female i-donkeys, how to talk on phone, and plethora of other things, he learnt them, but for him work was ultimate; after all, the ultimate purpose of his life was to work hard and he thought he was doing what he is expected to, only until a new concept called appraisal was introduced to him where he was told that he just met the expectations which is not enough, he needs to show case what he has been doing. He did not quite get what that was and he continued working hard.
Everything around Daddu changed, except for his position, but he continued working hard only until he was repeatedly told that he just meeting the expectations, he was heart broken, he did not understand what he lacked, until he looked up and around, where he saw a whole race of i-donkeys. They were everywhere and in huge numbers. Everyone had the same problem, they are working hard but gaining nothing, the praise, award, reward, everything was given to the "cool" donkeys, while the i-donkeys are slogging and slogging, but remember Daddu was an i-donkey, he could think, he understands and hence slowly he phased himself out of the hard working mode.
Years later, after a saga of managing a lot of donkeys, Daddu's manager thought, where are all the i-donkeys gone?
The answer is, they evolved to "cool" donkeys who do smart work. Remember, there are too many i-donkeys and a few cool donkeys who claim the reward for i-donkeys' works. But, i-donkeys are smart, they wont let younger i-donkeys to suffer like them, rather they just advice them to be a cool donkey. Daddu did it, he made sure that there are no i-donkeys in his team and so did many other unrecognized i-donkeys who forced themselves to evolve as cool donkeys.
Now, the world is full of cool donkeys, each cool donkey show cases too much, where the actual work done is nil. And all those managers who enjoyed the saga of i-donkeys are now thinking, where have all those donkeys gone?
Do you call it an extinction or an evolution or a genocide?
Friday, August 24, 2007
Behind every successful man, there is a dog......
Sony, Pluto, Chi-Chi, aaaaaaaaaaaaah(you can safely assume here that a female is screaming), all these sounds can be associated with one thing in common, a dog, yes a canine!!
Now, why I wanted to write about dogs? From a stray dog to so called breeded dogs there is one thing in common for them, what ever they want to do, they do it without shame! Ah- this, I reckon shamelessly, has inspired many a politician. But, now I do not either want to talk about politics. So what's about dogs that made man successful?
BOLLYWOOD
I strongly think, and rightly so, that Bollywood has been benefited by the canine race's quintessential tendency to be shameless in every thing they do and hence their being shameless in romancing has inspired many a director of bollywood to be inspired by dogs for almost all of their romantic scenes(read pornography) in their movies. These dogs also have helped many an actor in improving his/her skill in these scenes, insider information says that Emraan Hashmi, Mallika Sherawat, Neha Dhupia and the likes have lots of dogs. I am not sure what animals Shilpa Shetty and Kangna Ranaut have, they need to really improve their performance, might be a few of dogs in their house might help.
SCIENCE
In countries like ours, where sex education is a taboo, dogs emerge as saviors for all those sex education protagonists. Because, more often than not, the first time an eigth standard or a ninth standard student sees in practical, what the first step towards the Reproduction described in their texts is, when they see dogs on the street; the divine bliss these little creatures are into during the mating season has educated many a human. In fact, there is a strong belief that Vatsayana used to have different breeds of dogs in his garden and used to observe them a lot. My dear dogs, kudos to your race!!!!
MUSIC
If you think that dogs have inspired the human in a rather awkward thing, you are mistaken!!!!
But why? Well, these little creatures when they make all the weird sounds in the night have inspired many a music director and one such MD is our beloved Himesh Reshammiya(HR). Well, in his initial projects HR lacked that punch of ooooooooooooo sounds in his songs, he had a tough time and started working over nights and then he heard the music of dogs on the street near his building and after that EUREKAAAAAAAAA, and its no looking back after that. HR still has that recording of that night's dogs howling, whenever he runs short of creativity he listens to the recording with great concentration, and in his personal diary there are confessions that this is his secret for his success. No doubt his songs are integral part of NIGHT LIFE.
Infact all the night life that people enjoy in the bigger cities is just an inspiration from the dogs, one gentleman who happened to be a night watch man has observed that dogs have lots of fun towards the end of the day(read late night) and inspired by that he quit the job and rented a small garage and started doing all weird things there, these include playing weird music(as compared to howling, it was too embarrassing for him to shout like dogs you know?), head banging(as compared to tail wagging; mind you, humans dont have tails!) and hence the Discos!!! Where you can be shamelessly shameless!
SPORTS
One day Mr. Ferrari was driving his local made car back home after one of those "Disco Parties", needless to say that he has been chased by a pack of dogs in their most jubilant of the moods, Mr. Ferrari resisted, he depressed the accelerator to the abysmal but the dogs won and shamelessly so. And on that fateful day was the idea of a high speed car was sown. And when the dream materialized it was renamed F1.
Infact most of the games that involves a ball- Cricket, football, volleyball, hockey etc are all initially started by humans as a measures to save the ball from the dogs and eventually became games.
INVENTIONS
Behind all the inventions that made difference to mankind there is a dog.
Wheel and Fire: Man invented wheel and fire to save him from the dogs that used to chase him to hell.
Earth is Round: Scholars concluded that Earth is round and it rotates about itself about an axis, when they saw the dogs going round and round trying to catch their tails.
Newton's Laws: There is a school of thought that the reason behind law of gravitation is not an apple falling on Newton's head but it is the tail of his pet dog which used to curl up no matter what.
Theory of Relativity: Once Einstein was traveling back home in his car and as ususal a pack of dogs started chasing him and Einstein accelerated and so did the dogs and no matter how fast he drove there was always a dog adjacent to his door as if both the car and dog was stationary and the theory of relativity was born.
Dogs inspired many other things, they inspired the democracy, parliament, wars, competition, homo sexualism you name it and they inspired it. Now this is called the Canine Conspiracy theory.
Now you know why, behind every successful man, there is a dog.........
Now, why I wanted to write about dogs? From a stray dog to so called breeded dogs there is one thing in common for them, what ever they want to do, they do it without shame! Ah- this, I reckon shamelessly, has inspired many a politician. But, now I do not either want to talk about politics. So what's about dogs that made man successful?
BOLLYWOOD
I strongly think, and rightly so, that Bollywood has been benefited by the canine race's quintessential tendency to be shameless in every thing they do and hence their being shameless in romancing has inspired many a director of bollywood to be inspired by dogs for almost all of their romantic scenes(read pornography) in their movies. These dogs also have helped many an actor in improving his/her skill in these scenes, insider information says that Emraan Hashmi, Mallika Sherawat, Neha Dhupia and the likes have lots of dogs. I am not sure what animals Shilpa Shetty and Kangna Ranaut have, they need to really improve their performance, might be a few of dogs in their house might help.
SCIENCE
In countries like ours, where sex education is a taboo, dogs emerge as saviors for all those sex education protagonists. Because, more often than not, the first time an eigth standard or a ninth standard student sees in practical, what the first step towards the Reproduction described in their texts is, when they see dogs on the street; the divine bliss these little creatures are into during the mating season has educated many a human. In fact, there is a strong belief that Vatsayana used to have different breeds of dogs in his garden and used to observe them a lot. My dear dogs, kudos to your race!!!!
MUSIC
If you think that dogs have inspired the human in a rather awkward thing, you are mistaken!!!!
But why? Well, these little creatures when they make all the weird sounds in the night have inspired many a music director and one such MD is our beloved Himesh Reshammiya(HR). Well, in his initial projects HR lacked that punch of ooooooooooooo sounds in his songs, he had a tough time and started working over nights and then he heard the music of dogs on the street near his building and after that EUREKAAAAAAAAA, and its no looking back after that. HR still has that recording of that night's dogs howling, whenever he runs short of creativity he listens to the recording with great concentration, and in his personal diary there are confessions that this is his secret for his success. No doubt his songs are integral part of NIGHT LIFE.
Infact all the night life that people enjoy in the bigger cities is just an inspiration from the dogs, one gentleman who happened to be a night watch man has observed that dogs have lots of fun towards the end of the day(read late night) and inspired by that he quit the job and rented a small garage and started doing all weird things there, these include playing weird music(as compared to howling, it was too embarrassing for him to shout like dogs you know?), head banging(as compared to tail wagging; mind you, humans dont have tails!) and hence the Discos!!! Where you can be shamelessly shameless!
SPORTS
One day Mr. Ferrari was driving his local made car back home after one of those "Disco Parties", needless to say that he has been chased by a pack of dogs in their most jubilant of the moods, Mr. Ferrari resisted, he depressed the accelerator to the abysmal but the dogs won and shamelessly so. And on that fateful day was the idea of a high speed car was sown. And when the dream materialized it was renamed F1.
Infact most of the games that involves a ball- Cricket, football, volleyball, hockey etc are all initially started by humans as a measures to save the ball from the dogs and eventually became games.
INVENTIONS
Behind all the inventions that made difference to mankind there is a dog.
Wheel and Fire: Man invented wheel and fire to save him from the dogs that used to chase him to hell.
Earth is Round: Scholars concluded that Earth is round and it rotates about itself about an axis, when they saw the dogs going round and round trying to catch their tails.
Newton's Laws: There is a school of thought that the reason behind law of gravitation is not an apple falling on Newton's head but it is the tail of his pet dog which used to curl up no matter what.
Theory of Relativity: Once Einstein was traveling back home in his car and as ususal a pack of dogs started chasing him and Einstein accelerated and so did the dogs and no matter how fast he drove there was always a dog adjacent to his door as if both the car and dog was stationary and the theory of relativity was born.
Dogs inspired many other things, they inspired the democracy, parliament, wars, competition, homo sexualism you name it and they inspired it. Now this is called the Canine Conspiracy theory.
Now you know why, behind every successful man, there is a dog.........
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