Been there, Done that and I am the best......

Disclaimer: All the characters in the blog are work of fiction and any resemblance to any one living or dead is due to probability and Murphy playing together.

Been there....

'Been there' is an Engineer. The adverb for the adjective engineer could not be finalized because he was not pretty sure what kind of engineer he was, so he thought he was better off being just an Engineer.

Out of the million peculiar qualities which distinguishes him from the lot, the considerable ones are, his ability to confuse the shit out of every person in even the simplest of the situations and his trademark shake of his head to show disagreement, which starts much before a person in the conversation could even say something.

A few minutes of discussion with him gives you an impression that there is nothing possible in this world or you are the most useless person ever born on the face of the earth, both are too serious a wound. And what adds salt to this wound is his immortal penchant to re-phrase whatever you just said in passive voice. Well, if you love it short and sweet he is a pain in the neck.

There is little wonder that he is not married and his professional growth graph is as straight as an arrow. And this made the matters worse, he revamped his marketing strategy , he began marketing himself extensively. He is here, he is there and he is everywhere. And he is not shy to say this, each and every meeting he attends is full of fundas of he being here and he being there; rejecting everything he hears and repeating what ever the other person says with a few more grammatical errors and claiming it to be his idea. Little should I say that this did not help, and what is worth mentioning is, that he is "Been there".

Done that.
'Done that' is a 9-5 girl. Except for a few odd occasions like a fire drill or the first rain of the season where people do not bother about who is around them, "Done that" tries her best to stick to her seat and pretend that she has been working, by fanatically typing the keyboard.

When she is not doing any of the below mentioned activities:
Drinking coffee.
Reading news papers.
Chat.
Forward mails.
Pretending to attend teleconference by plugging on her headphone, but actually listening to music,

she does her best to attend the plethora of meetings, which are never seem to be at scarcity; and when she is bored of all the above, she works.

For her, meetings are analogical to spa houses where the presenter is the therapist who does his/her level best to induce sleep by relieving stress. And in the rare occasion, when she is asked about her opinion, she speaks like a programmed answering machine, repeating the same thing in every meeting- what she has done till now.

Her all the more rare official talk is more of an activity report of what she has done (read- what she wants others to think that she has done) between the current and the last meeting.
Well, my readers are smart enough to infer that, even "Done that" is not married and her career growth has a slope similar to that of "Been that's".

The fateful day.

They say that someone somewhere is made for you, I am sure you do not want to read about how crappy I feel about this saying and how I think that if some one somewhere is born for us, why shouldn’t we be born with a small chit with name of our partner and the address in that?

Now that, you want to know what the fateful day is about, let me introduce to you the back drop .

It was Saturday and the location was some temple. Among the other general things, which are common to any temple, what was noticeable was a serious discussion between two beggars.

B1: Why? I mean why should this happen to just me.
B2: What happened?

B1: My career is not progressing, I beg a lot but I dont get anything. But you, you don’t seem to be begging at all, but people just throw alms at you so generously, why-o-why? Why is this world so mean.
B2: Ok let me tell you a trade secret. You are a good beggar, but you miss the guile of the job. Any job in this world requires diversifying. You cannot expect to grow, doing the same thing at same place with same set of people. See, what I do- I go to different temples on different days and pretend a different kind of a disability on each day and when I do that, I don’t need to even beg, people just contribute on their own. Learn to do this, and then you will become the best beggar in this world.

As the second beggar continued his gyan, puffing a beedi and sipping over a cup of tea, a couple, who were incognizant of each other's presence and who eavesdropped at the beggars' conversation, started towards each other with their mouths agape and eyes twinkling. Little should I say that they are hell inspired by the beggar's gyan, and like anything else in this world, the inspiration didn't come free, it has come along with LOVE.

Yes they fell in love with each other, love at first sight.

And the couple was none other than, "Been there" and "Done that". Their first meeting was scintillating and they couldn’t wait anymore to compliment each other and they are married within a week of their first meeting.

Five years from now:

Ramu, after a long hectic day at the office, decided to feed himself with some masala news. His job is simple, all he has to do is to switch on the TV set and click a few random numbers for the TV channel, and the chances that he ends up in a masala news channel are almost placed at 1 in 3.

This time he was first time lucky. The first channel he started off with is itself a masala news channel. There was already a scrolling that read "Breaking News: A four year old boy finds out that 1+1=2 ". I don’t want to discuss about what Ramu thought after seeing the news, it’s in our blood, and it will be as good as writing a blog about how to breathe or how to walk.

So, let me just briefly tell you the history behind this news.

Well, after "Been there" and "Done that" were married, they complimented each other so well that they learnt each other's traits. And hence, they progressed faster than light in their careers, thanks to their innate talent and ofcourse, the beggar's gyan.

Now, the kid in the news is none other than the son of "Been there" and "Done that", "I am the best". He inherited all the great qualities of his parents and at very young age mastered the art of "show casing". And the result- In one of the math classes, after writing 1+1=2, he was able to hype it so much that it became national news. Of course, there is an enormous amount of support from media fraternity, but even then, "I am the best" has become a hero at a very young age.

Moral of the story: Been there + Done that = I am the best.
--AKP

P.S: In case you don not know the author properly, please be informed that he is obsessed with satire and irony. If you have assumed that the author is supporting the ideology that one should suceed by show casing, then please think again.

P.P.S: The author is not too confident about his satirical abilities.