A deadman's suicide......

The premise:

Raj Thackeray has started the divine mission of ethnic cleansing of Maharashtra. It took him quite some years to succeed. But during the gestation period of his success there were some quite interesting things that happened.

Due to the heavy appreciation of rupee, Indian software companies started concentrating on local businesses, the aftermath being a satellite launching station in Harihareshwar. A mission to Space, which is a build, deploy and operate project was taken up Indian IT confederation. And first time in IT industry 5 SE engineers are sent onsite to Space. Sanki is one among them!

So Sanki Sharma along with four others has been sent to Space in a Space shuttle that was designed and developed by a group of software engineers. He left on August 7th 2009 and returned to homeland on August 4th 2014, but shot himself to death on August 7th 2014.

Lets see how the story unfolds........

4th August 2014

He landed today in Harihareshwar after a week's journey into space according to the spacecraft's time. Since he traveled with velocities equal to that of light, Einstein's time dilation came into play and he returned to earth after 5 years.

Unfortunately the idiots who have designed this craft never knew about something called theory of relativity and hence they never expected them this late. In fact they were so surprised that Indian Air force has sent some 100 missiles, luckily the craft was under autopilot mode and no one bothered to change the trajectory and hence, all the 100 missiles missed the target.

He looked around the moment he set his foot on earth, his inquisitive eyes searching more vigorously than the google search engine for a glimpse of the baby like face of his girl friend, but instead he found surprised officials.

Little did he knew that everyone gave up within a week of his take off. And that his name had been added to the likes of Kalpana Chawla.

And with in an hour, after a heated discussion with the officials, he realized that he was considered dead and his family has been given 30 lakhs compensation after a mock funeral that was conducted over the weekend. And that his brother married his girl friend and bought a flat with those 30 lacs. Depressed he walked out.

As he walked out of the space station, he was in for another surprise- there were no taxis, yes they are replaced with bullock carts. He climbed into one of them when a voice said "hello, how are you" in the most beautiful English he had ever heard, he later found out that he was a retrenched call center employee. He reached home, but was surprised to see the name plate changed, it read Rajesh Apte and actually it should be reading Rajesh Sharma, he was confused but only until he found his surprised mother.

His mother, the moment she saw him, dropt the vessel she was carrying, rounded her eyes to make a perfect zero and inadvertently rose her left arm to bite the back of her palm. Anyone who has head above his shoulders could make up her expressions, they said 30 lakhs. Does she have to pay the compensation amount back? Sanki's dad, of course, had no similar worry. He was sure that he could sue the IT companies for it or something, so he did not seem to perturbed. He was a lawyer, so Sanki need not worry about lawyer charges.

5th August 2014

Though he did not allow himself to react to the situations around him, reality did its best to dawn upon him and it did succeed. He realized that something was utterly wrong. Questions and more questions popped into his brain. But the situations at home are not all the more honky dory to be fit for a question and answer session.

His parents though happy about he coming back, did not seem to be too amused to share the happiness with every one, the reason might be the four annual death ceremonies conducted at a very social level, with aaj tak giving a complete footage on first ceremony. His brother avoided him for more obvious reasons. His (ex) girl friend too could not face him; it is too much for him to digest in a week’s time. And he almost gave up on the concept called time.

He needed a break, he decided to watch TV. To his utter surprise, it was in a dilapidated state. It seems that no one was watching TV for ages. He switched it on and to his utter disgust he found 5 local channels all telecasting agricultural awareness programs in the local language. He could not understand the regression.

The whole day has been spent on nailing down the possibilities for the current situation, but he could not fathom any. However, his parents after dinner, which is again all the more similar to local style, have managed to tell vaguely about something which the then CM, Raj Thackeray, has started less than a decade ago.

He was surprised, he knew that there was something about this Raj Thackeray guy regarding driving out the non-Marathi people out of Maharashtra, but how could that lead to all this? He could not really fathom anything out of this. And he hardly could sleep that night.

6th August 2014

He had a better discussion with his parents today. They seem to have to come in terms with reality and shooed away their disappointment and are talking to him more openly. He then had a conversation with his dad, which cleared all his doubts on the current situation.

It all started with ethnic cleansing of Mumbai, driving out non local population out of Mumbai. It then spread to other bigger cities of Maharashtra. It was a huge success, at least on papers. People who have no property for themselves in Maharashtra have vacated, but those who had their property here found out a way, they changed their family names. And hence the changed name plate outside his house.

He also came to know that Amitabh Bachan succumbed to the pressure and changed his name to Amitabh Thackeray and also named his grandson as Raj Thackeray Jr. Sharukh could not do so, Sharukh Thackeray was sounding too weird and hence he vacated.

With complete success of this revolution, Sr Raj has to come up with another political issue. This time it was ban of all the non local language cable channels. It then followed by ban of non local newspapers and everything and anything non-local has been banned. In fact in a strange move, Sr Raj has banned all the vehicles as petrol which is not a local entity is deciding the local economy. It was then followed by banning of all non local trade, all the IT companies, BPOs etc have been banned. Every one started farming and pulled bullock carts in free time.

His dad also drew his attention to lack of babies. After the ban of sex education, all the Hindi/English movies have been banned for vulgarity and as the aftermath youth did not know how to copulate and hence no babies.

Raj then adapted non-violence as his next agenda. He banned cricket as it was perceived to be dangerous, throwing a ball and swinging a bat are too dangerous to be handled by people and hence the government settled for a less harmful bridge and chess.

With this, he thought that he had heard enough. Whirlwinds blew through his mind. His heart pumped out blood as if it were a volcano. He just could not stand what has happened, and that too it was too much of a change for him to handle in a week's time notwithstanding the change management course he has undertaken. With a heavy heart and and blewn up mind he hit the sack.

7th August 2014

He woke up with a heavy headache. He had decided over night what has to be done; he could not just get in terms with Sr Raj. He then shot himself on RT road (FC road was renamed so) , his blood splattered all over Raj Putla, and his brain was forced out and fell on the pavement, an enthusiastic dog made a meal of the same. (Dogs are not yet banned here).

His parents hid his body and his fifth ceremony was conducted. His brother and his ex- girl friend had a sigh of relief. And they both want to make movie of this story and name this as The Dead Man’s suicide. Of course it will be in local language.