How to bite ants?

If there is anything that I am consistently worried about since my child hood it is ants. These little creatures, which are so awe inspiring to human kind in many areas ranging from sociology to biometrics, have at most inspired me to thrash them to death.

It seems that there are some 12,000 species of ants on the face of earth and ants constitute of about 15-25% of animal biomass. But, to me there are only 4 kinds of ants
1) Red ants or biting ants
2) Black ants or tickling ants
3) Big ants or oh my god I have to run now ants
4) Flying ants.

The even numbered categories of above have hardly bothered me; my animosity with them is more of induced type because of their brothers in the odd numbered category.
You would most probably know the reason, unless you are from Antarctica or Greenland or Ice land, where our ant brothers have decided not to go.

The first time I came to know about the lethal nature of these little creatures was when I was around 3 years old when a Big ant decided that it can easily attack my cousin who was one year old then, sitting nude on the ground happily engrossed in eating mud. This big ant went and attacked his….. Well you know. It took around 10 minutes to remove the ant and 15 minutes to remove its head from his……hmmmmm. Since then, I prefer to sleep alone in a grave yard rather than to have an ant around me.

Ants continued to inspire me in their optimism to think that they can easily attack a person several thousand times bigger than them. These attacks resulted in many a crazy act like me dancing in cricket field, much earlier and much better than Sreesanth, and people running towards the nearest tap to get an instant relief from an army of red ants. And so here I am, who declared a war against the ant race and fighting it ferociously for last 22 years and believe me, this war seems to be lasting for eternity.

My mom has been my commander in chief in my war against these creatures; she just hates anything that crawls and god save any creature that catches her sight crawling because it gets the opportunity to feel the heel and the ground simultaneously. Thousands and thousands of insects have been killed and when there was no time there were insect repellents used generously.

But, insect repellents are for those loser insects, ants are different, they are super organisms. And one fine morning the ant optimism rose to new highs when they decided to attack a packet of ant repellent which my mom bought as she has got better things to do like mending her maniac son rather than slapping each ant of the army to death. My mom instantly sued the local Kirana stores and the case is still going on as there is no evidence that the ants have attacked the ant repellant.

The war was going on well, until recently. But, a few days ago, when yours truly was sleepy after a days hectic job of eating and more eating and trying to sleep in between, something happened and I woke up itching maniacally my lower rib.

My mom, who is an ardent follower of those science fiction movies where a normal person sleeps normally but wakes up like a monkey, almost believed that I transformed to a monkey and even tried to confirm by checking whether I developed a tail. But before she could, she saw the boils on my left lower rib. Well, the Red ants attacked me again. I guess these ants are from China, as there are 5 boils on my left lower rib, and the 5 boils looked like the Olympics symbol.

Now I have had enough, and to make matters worse this article tells me that insects do not feel pain when squashed. Considering that I have been insulted by another red ant the other morning, I have sworn to make my war against red ants more vigorous, I need to device a way to bite these ants, they should feel pain, they should get the itches, they should get the boils,they cannot ignore others' egos, after all I am going to become a manager and I have been told by my ex-manager that I have to heed to others' egos when I speak and satisfy them for me to grow in an organization.